I consider myself a fairly reasonable person. And when it comes to my rules and beliefs for my personal parenting habits my motto often is:
All things…
in moderation.
For instance:
Ice Cream for dessert?
Yes! Just not every night.
(Although we do have much more ice-cream consumption in the summer!)
Structure and schedule in our day?
Yep! But I also try to allow myself the ability to adjust when necessary.
(Some days just aren’t meant to have as much structure.)
Extra-curricular activities for my children?
Of course! Soccer, T-Ball, Music - extra curricular activities are great fun for my kids BUT sometimes they can also get to be too much (especially when multiplied by 3 children!).
And this is when I have to remember to apply the “all things in moderation rule.”
Rules Are Meant to Be Broken, Right?
All things in moderation…
I work hard to apply this edict to most every aspect of our family’s lives - but this doesn’t mean that sometimes I’m not certain where the “moderation line” lies.
One example of blurry “moderation lines” that I want to reluctantly share with you happened last summer - when we caved in and bought our middle child a DS. And - please don’t judge, BUT - this is what it looked like:
If you can’t see the above embeded YouTube Video click here.
Moderation? In this case, I’m not certain that would be an appropriate use of the word.
Electronic Inventory
Lets take inventory here. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that We are now up to:
- 4 TV’s (That I will proudly tell you we rarely watch - but… read on… as to why.)
- 3 DS’s (Technically my 1st grader will tell you 2 DS’s and 1 DSI XL - apparently that differentiation matters to him.)
- 2 Family Computers (A desktop for my work computer and a laptop for the rest of the family.)
- 2 iPads (Because one just wasn’t enough???)
- 2 iPhones (Once I got one, there was no stopping my husband.)
- 1 iPod touch (An old one now refurbished for my 4th grader’s music obsession.)
- 1 Wii (Purchased so I could do WiiFit -
Yeah. Right. NOT.)
(And a partridge in a pear tree.)
Does this sound obsessive? Does this sound like too much? Are we past “moderation” for a growing family of 5? Is our dog (shown in the 25 second family video clip above) the only normal household member?
Maybe. But what is normal? I struggle with this often.
In the years that we have accumulated all this “electronic stuff” I will admit to having some non-moderated, over-used activity with many of these devices. Yet, after the initial “electronic overload” (and also the experience my husband and I had watching our wedding video that I wrote about this winter.) We have started to again really think hard about the “all things in moderation rule” and how it applies to our electronic devices.
And still others are taking the “electronic obsession” one step further by implementing things like “screen-free” weeks. Lisa Brandi wrote a really wonderful and relatable testimonial in response to her family’s participation in the Early Years Institutes Screen Free Week this past spring.
But moderation? What IS reasonable?
Applying moderation in the summer is easier for us. We are outside more. However…
- Ohio weather in the winter can be torturous. And sometimes it feels good to spend an evening in the basement playing Wii as a family. (If we play as a family, isn’t this just an electronic version of a “family game night?”)
- Long drives to family vacations go so much more smoothly with a movie on the iPad. (Of course we bring books and art projects too - but art projects and books only go so far during an 18 hour drive with 3 kids!)
- My great, flexible work schedule, is made much easier by my iPhone’s ability to access email and internet on-the-go.
There will always be advantages and disadvantages to every choice we make as a parent. Where you draw the line in your family can be very individualized and personal.
Sometimes I imagine with a tinge of jealousy the life of my dog - fed, loved, living the life as a stereotypical “man’s best friend” and with no need to make decisions (or own an iPhone). I mostly do feel like my judgement as a parent and as our family’s “regulator of all things electronic” is fairly reasonable. Yet our family’s choices are continually adjusting. We are a work in progress.
And really, aren’t we all a work in progress?
Leave a Comment: What do you consider reasonable for your family’s usage of electronic devices and television? Do you struggle with regulating your families screen time? When was the last time you took inventory of your electronic devices?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Can I come over to your house to play? You have much cooler stuff than we do (and Emma would love to see her beloved Mr. Fineske - she misses him).
We love electronics at our house, too. We have a laptop, two refurbished net books. Four IPods (OK, they are just shuffles), a Wii (same as you on the Wii fit thing), and six TVs. We haven’t gotten to the iPhone phase yet. I have a droid, and my husband will be getting an iPhone when he is eligible for an upgrade in August.
Isn’t it amazing when we take inventory and see all the digital stuff we really have lying around Julia? Eye-opening in my opinion!
I agree – and I even left out my Kindle! But I completely agree that, like you said, all things in moderation. The world continues to become more technical and electronic, and I think it is beneficial for our kids to be up-to-date with technology. I think it’s great for kids to indulge in the cool and convenient technology that is out there, as long as their lives are well rounded and they are involved in other things as well. Have a great weekend.
We are a family of 6 and we too go back and forth on how many devices are enough/too much. Our sons are 10, 12, 14 & 15.
We have one TV, one computer and a laptop, Wii, Play station 2 (which they don’t use any more) and Play Station K’Nect. We have 2 hand-me-down DSs, but they bought all their own games with birthday money. We have 1 Ipod shuffle and 3 cheep imitation iPods. We bought one son an iPod touch and 6 months later it was lost or stolen (depending on who you believe) and we will not be replacing it.
None of them has a cell phone yet even though nearly ALL local middle school and high school students have them (something they point out often). There have been a few times when I would have found it useful to call one of my kids on a cell phone, but any time they have HAD to call home there has been some phone available, so we are in no rush. I think we will say when they have jobs and can pay for the minutes we will get them simple phones and if they want to upgrade they can pay for that.
My husband and I still have old fashioned brick phones. The advantages are that no one wants to steel them and I can easily embarrass my son by using it in public! Sometimes I think it would great to be able to check my email when not at home, but then I see other parents doing that when they should be paying attention to what their kids are doing and I am glad that I don’t have that temptation.
One of the concerns about electronic use is that it leads to childhood obesity by reducing active time and increasing snack time. We combat that with the no eating in front of screens rule, and by encouraging neighborhood kids to come and play outside in our yard. We don’t use central air conditioning so the windows are all open and the sound of kids playing soccer or basketball right outside draws them away from the screens voluntarily and makes for less clashes about time.
We do find the handheld devices very useful on long trips, but we break it up with reading, or playing games.
I really does seam to be all about finding a moderation point - and also understanding that we, as parents, are allowed to say “no” to our children when it comes to electronic devices. For me, I think once I came to the epiphany that yes! I COULD say NO! (even if all the other kids were doing it) things got easier. My kids know that there is a definite balance (albeit a fine, somewhat gray line) between being active and being electronically active, but they also know that I WILL draw the line - when I and my husband see fit.
I love that you are able to have “brick phones”
We do have smartphones, but one of my absolute favorite things to do is just LEAVE. THEM. AT. HOME! As my children get older, I see how important our actions are as parents to our kids and how much they are really learning from each and everything we do - not just say.
I think modern technology can be both a blessing and a curse!
I appreciate the ability to check email, Facebook, read blogs, etc. while on the go and am grateful that my daughter can be kept occupied by her DS, Leapster or LeapPad while on long car rides. However, often times while out and about I see many parents/people paying more attention to their phones than their kids/people right in front of them and it saddens me that we seem to value our devices more than people. With so many demands on our time, sadly it’s easy to get caught up in the “unimportant” things in life.
Electronics aren’t the problem, it’s just finding and maintaining a proper balance
Well said Tatum - doesn’t it seem like, in general, finding a good balance in everything is always the problem? Across the board!
I see those parents also, and I want to tell them that electronics and social media will be here for a long time to come, but their children will only be this age for such a short time and soon all of those teachable moments will be gone. So much of what our children learn from us is “incidental”. It happens in the course of doing all the things that we have to do to live our lives. I too try to straddle that fine line between the virtual world and the real world, so I hesitate to judge other parents out loud. But for myself, I know that what I do will set the example for what they do as adults. If I want them to pay attention to their kids, I need to pay attention to them. If I don’t want my soon-to-be-driving teens to use their phones while driving, then I had better not, so I give my phone to one of them and make him the designated phone user while I drive. I think if parents could see the example they are setting, it would have an effect on what they do.