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“Mom. Dad. Family. Friends…
We’re PREGNANT!”
(Not-really!-Don’t-freak-out!-I’m-sharing-a-memory-with-you-all!-GEEZ!)
Do you remember the feeling you had when you first announced those words to your close family and friends?
Maybe you were excited? (feeling ready for this next step in your life)
Maybe you were scared? (knowing all the changes that were about to happen)
Maybe you were nervous? (realizing you had ZERO experience in parenting)
Or Maybe you were surprised? (not even having intended to begin a family yet)
Whatever your feelings were, you most likely remember the first time you announced your pregnancy to the world.
In my case, when my husband and I finally announced these words - like many - we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
We knew parenting wouldn’t always be a “joy ride,” but we also believed we were ready to face any of the “dark alleys” that we would need to drive through along the way.
My husband and I braced ourselves for the changes a new baby would bring… And change, well, change ran us over like a freight train!
BAAM!
And I limped up from that “train wreck” with a new frame of mind, thinking to myself: After only one kid, maybe I was done.
Caution! Baby On Board…
Yes, maybe we would have an only child. Maybe we should stop at just one.
This parenting profession was way harder than I had initially imagined, and I was very cautious about going down a road that I now wasn’t quite as sure I could successfully steer through.
I loved being a mom, but:
- The idea of adding back the over 80 pounds I gained during my 1st pregnancy (that I had worked so hard to take off!) weighed heavily on me.
- The thought of trying to nurse again (it was such a struggle with my oldest) made me cringe.
- And the mere possibility of another 6 months of new-baby sleep deprivation made me want to run and hide.
Not to mention the financial tolls that additional kids can add to your family.
Yet eventually, and a bit reluctantly, about 2 1/2 years later my husband and I again proudly announced (a little less enthusiastically):
“We’re Pregnant.”
And what happened after that shocked me. Shocked me because this time around, pregnancy and motherhood seemed so different.
This pregnancy, I didn’t gain 80 pounds. With my second child I had absolutely NO problems nursing. And, this time around, well… I admit, I was still sleep deprived, but for me - somehow, this time - it (amazingly) seemed easier.
Maybe my expectations were lower? Maybe I was more “experienced?” Or maybe it was just an instant of “sleep-deprived-craziness???” … Because, much to the surprise of my husband, after the birth of our second child, I gradually felt as though I wanted another.
Take your mark, get set, GO!
So we did. My husband and I continued toward the path of officially being “outnumbered” by our kids. (Admittedly after a little convincing on my part!)
And again, for a third time, we announced (with a bit more enthusiasm then the second):
“We’re PREGNANT!”
And somewhere, deep down inside, I knew…
I knew after three we were probably done.
So I cherished my ever enlarging belly. I tried to relished each moment of my pregnancy. Of course, I was still uncomfortable sleeping at night, but I spent more time then ever thinking about how much this baby - our third child - was so loved and wanted.
Yet unlike the first two pregnancies, this pregnancy had a dark side.
And that dark side was: knowledge.
I was an older, wiser and more “experienced” parent now:
- It was difficult to consider that another child may (again) put my own professional aspirations on hold.
- It was scary when I imagined what effects another baby might have on our other two kids.
- And most significantly for me, I remember how hard it was not to think of all the complications that could arise during pregnancy and childbirth. (For some reason I never took as much notice of this with #1 and #2?)
I tried forcing my “headlights” on to brighten up the dark thoughts that knowledge drove my way.
And when my youngest was born, healthy and whole, I remember a sense of relief that I wasn’t going to have to go through all those thoughts again.
Our Final Destination…
Now drive forward, down the road we’ve paved 1 1/2 years later.
We’re fully outnumbered by our kids and most likely done having more. And then IT happened.
The thought came back.
A friend announced that he and his wife were expecting, and the thought crept up in my mind: Are we really done having kids?
I tried not to think of it. I tried not to let the idea fester for too long. We. Were. Done. … Period. D.O.N.E.
As the day slowly wore into evening, and my husband and I loaded our kids up into our van to go out to dinner, the debate in my head continued.
I thought about how my husband and I seemed to be getting better at this whole parenting thing. And then I considered, how much easier going out to eat was getting. (As opposed to what it used to be like!)
As I proceeded to try to internally convince myself we were really done, I slowly looked over to my left at the dinner table - over at my youngest. And I thought: “I Love that he still snuggles with me (that will be over very soon). I LOVE when he digs his head into my shoulder because he has learned that is my weakness to getting what he wants is getting sleepy. And…
STOP.
Immediately those feelings came to a sudden HALT, as I watched - unable to move - my 21-month-old wind up his pitching arm (which, by the way, is definitely “major league” material) and fling as hard as he could his metal matchbox car across the table.
Bullseye! Right at my completely full glass of RED wine - which, in turn, skidded across the table and found its landing spot… on top of my husbands lap.
My eyes met my husband’s. And I knew with out a doubt… we were probably done.
“Mom. Dad. Family. Friends…
We have reached our final destination! Three IS enough.”
I think.
Leave a comment with your story! How did you feel after you learned you were pregnant for the 1st time? What do you think the magic number is for your family unit and when did you KNOW you were done?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
OMG, the red wine thing is hilarous… totally made my day. I have two children with my husband (8 and 5) and two stepkids (21 and 18), as well as two doggie family members. My house totally feels like a zoo sometimes.
Yes, the red wine thing IS hilarious… now.
At the time… well, we tried to laugh?!? I imagine that your household probably has some pretty similar moments too with four kids ages 5 through 21 and 2 dogs! Now that is definitely one outnumbered mom!
Yes, I do have some pretty similar moments. First was the day I met my step-kids. They were so excited to meet me. We went to Pizza Hut, and my step daugher was so wound - she tipped the table over and dumped everyone’s pop on the table all over the carpet. Then, meeting my in-laws for the first time and taking the step-kids to get ice cream. Both ordered 20 oz Sprite ice cream floats. Both spilled the ENTIRE contents of each of their floats, one right at the ice cream counter, and the other all over our table. I didn’t have any kids at the time. I am surprised I was brave enough to do it. They are the best part of my life.
Oh. My. Gosh! That IS a funny story - but what a funny memory to look back at! Maybe a good story to re-tell your step daughter when she has kids?
My two little ones also have some good stories, but the stories are probably too gross for this blog
My step-kids and I laugh all the time about the stuff that they did. My step-daughter kicked a hole in the wall once that she will never live down. We laugh hardest about the story with the ice cream. My husband was so mad at the time.
Having step-kids wasn’t always easy, but I have a great relationship with them, and they are SO much fun to be around and do things with as adults. It’s interesting, because I have survived through all the teenager years, while at the same time going through all of the learning phases of having babies/toddlers. I also work full time, so feel like I am always flying by the seat of my pants.
Sorry, I am rambling (and I am supposed to be working). I really enjoy reading your blog!
I am laughing from the image captured here of the matchbox car flying through the air, because any outsider might have watched it and just though “oh no” but as the mom it captures so much more. I have a handful of moments like that that so much more meaning for me than they do for the outside observer
I love this post, because announcing a pregnancy plus increasing family size is something that has been on my mind a lot. We’re thrilled to be expecting our third daughter, but I know from how hard this pregnancy has been on my body and from how challenging it is to raise our daughters on my own during my husband’s deployment, that three is the golden number for us. I love children, but I don’t think I can physically handle more than three. When we announced we were pregnant with our third daughter many people were thrilled for us; however, some said they were shocked and angry, “why increase the world population by one more… nothing positive could come from our baby…” It was and is hard to live with comments like these, especially since some came from family. But my husband and I know what is best for us and our family and we are overjoyed to be blessed with a third child. I come from a family of three daughters and I love every moment of it
Kim, you have NO IDEA how relieved I was that the glass of wine hit my husband’s lap and no one at the neighboring table by us! Not to mention the flying car could have just as easily hit another person vs. the wine glass. The amount of heads that turned and gave us a surprised but sympathetic glance was slightly humorous. (And even funnier in hindsight!)
I am sincerely glad that you were able to focus on what was right for you and and your family and look for support elsewhere when met with criticism in regards to your decision to have a third child. I too come from a family of 3 daughters and wouldn’t have traded it in for any other experience!
I was excited when I was pregnant for the first time and certainly scared. I think my husband was more prepared and mentally getting ready for the infancy stage whereas my thoughts always lingered to my baby in school and what life lessons I was going to pass along. We definitely want another. I’m an only child and my husband is one of three. He wants three but that scares me so I said the mean between the both of us is two. I’d like to have another baby in another year or two but it seems so difficult now with just one. Other aspects in my life will need to change before that next step (finances, job, not living in an apartment). I’m hoping we can do it sooner than later.
Kudos to you for dropping all the baby weight. My daugther is 13 months and its amazing how I’m still working it off and am only at the half way mark with 20lbs to go! Never thought it’d take this long!!
That sounds almost exactly like how I felt after the birth of our 1st child. I couldn’t imagine how I could handle two - let alone envision having enough room in my heart to love another child even half as much as I loved my daughter. Yet I am so glad we eventually decided for a 2nd (and then a third too!). For our family, deciding to continue to three has been a great decision… little did I know how much love I had in me to give!
Thanks so much for sharing your story! I love hearing other mom’s experiences!
P.S. It took nearly 2 years of ridiculously hard work to get most of the baby weight off… and in hindsight, it seems to me once I really, truly stopped obsessing over it, that finally the rest of if came off almost effortlessly… at least that was my experience.
Kate,
I feel similarly to about three. I am also ready to bring the minimum age in my household above age 2! There are so many things my oldest is ready for that adding another would interfere with. Even now I sometimes think the age gap from oldest to youngest of 5 and a half years is frustrating. I do feel it is getting eaiser each day. The little guy really plays with the older two now even though he is not completely at there level. …and the thought of the lack of sleep that goes with the first year, and ofcourse, my ever aging body would just not bounce back even close were I to go through another pregnancy.
Great post, Kate.
Yes! It would would be nice to” bring the minimum age in my household above age 2″ also! Totally agree. And there are so many other stages that we have yet to reach with our children that are probably just as wonderful as some of the stages that I will miss not having a baby around anymore. But the comfort of “knowing” a stage is sometimes hard to resist when facing stages “yet-to-come.” I think it is that comfort level that sometimes makes my mind wonder about having yet another. The unknown can be scary!
Ha…can so relate!! We are definitely done…no doubt…it’s finally getting easier
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It’s nice when it starts getting easier isn’t it? We have 3 1/2 years between each of our children and just as it has always “started getting easier” we start all over again.
I take my lack of emotions at selling all my baby gear as a sign I’m done.
Hehe
Yes, that might also be a clear indicator too!
A hole in the wall? Uh, oh… now I am remember my teenage years and wondering how you ever survived? On one hand you now have “experience” to help you when your two younger ones get there, on the other hand you have the knowledge of knowing how hard it can be. I love your positive attitude though … because ultimately, it has always been that type of attitude that has helped me personally to get through the tough times.
P.S. So glad you enjoy reading the blog.
P.S.S. You’re never “rambling” around here! That’s what we do on this blog